There used to be posts on this blog. 16 of them in fact. I'm not really good at keeping a journal active. My interest fleets and I eventually just forget it even exists. That's the ADD side of me at work there.
Some people may question why I would delete the old posts. As I read them, I knew I had to do it.
They were too painful.
There are some kinds of pain you can tackle head on. Pain you need to face to truly recover from it.
I'm not that brave.
I'm not that strong.
I want to move on and enjoy life. Love my husband, my family, my friends. I want to spoil my niece and nephew with all the love my heart has to give.
I don't want to be reminded of the hurt. The anger. The rage. The abuse. The pain. I don't want to feel like that ever again. I never want to think those thoughts I had ever again. It's not who I am in my heart. It's not who I want to be.
A dear friend, who I will forever love, once told me writing is a way to free your soul. Like most things, she was probably right. Maybe some day I'll be ready to talk about it here. Maybe someday it won't feel so complex and hard to describe. Maybe someday it won't feel so impossible. That family roles are never reversed in such a horrible, sick, twisted, and demonic way.
Today is not that day. Tomorrow probably won't be either.
But I'm starting to think maybe my friend was right. Maybe writing my thoughts, feelings, and activities down on a blog will help.
It's worth a shot right?
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